Online Dating – What to do on a first date

online dating First Date - Have Fun!

Alright a little bit about going on an actual first date – first go back to the page on attraction and reread the beginning paragraph. Charm, personality, sense of humour, these are all tools to simply have fun, and enjoy yourself in someone else’s company. When someone is having fun with you, they will begin to find you attractive. It’s the basis for everything, and no seduction can happen without it.  An online date should be planned with this in mind.  Therefore I don’t recommend immediately sitting down after meeting up for a coffee or a drink.

My personal dating methodology is as follows, and yes I try to do the same thing for every single date.  One of you will arrive before the other.  Whoever arrives first will text the other to say that they are here.  If I’m the second person arriving, and I’m just a minutes walk, I’ll usually call her.  It’s fun to talk to each other on the phone right up until the instant you make eye contact.  In either situation after eye contact is made, I hangup, smile, and then walk over and give her a bear hug.  Her feet have to leave the ground if it’s done properly.  After our initial banter, I suggest going for a walk.  Ideally I want to meet in an area with a lot of visual stimuli, and a buzz in the background.  Such as a street with a lot of bars and people traffic, a carnival, or a mall.  This will bring both of your energies up.  For added fun, I usually link arms too.  The banter should be lighthearted, it’s important to stay present and in the moment for both of you.  You’ll know you’re doing the right things if she’s smiling and laughing.

This brings me to the next step – escalation.  Any girl who is going on a first date is hoping to be kissed.  I’ve actually had girls thank me after we’ve made out at the end of a date.  But she has to decide whether she likes the guy enough.  That’s what the above paragraph deals with.  If you’ve done things right, at some point either during the walk or when you’re sitting down for a coffee, the conversation turns to more emotional topics.  Generally (although I’ve kissed girls before this step) this is the best time to escalate.  Especially when she starts to talk about things serious to her own heart.  If she’s opening up to you like this, then she wants you to kiss her.  If you are sitting down, make sure that you are next to her, instead of across a table.  When you kiss her, go for a make out.  It should last a couple of seconds, but not more than that.  At this point you’ve bought yourself time.  She’ll want to see you again.  She might be down to go back to your place at the end of the night.  Better looking guys can afford to hesitate with the first kiss, even putting it off for the first date.  But in my experience if I didn’t kiss a girl on the first date, it was much harder to generate the same level of interest later, and there usually wasn’t a second date.

If she rebuff’s your advances, say she turns the cheek, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not into you.  She may just want you to try harder.  Or she may not.  The former scenario is based on the premise that she likes you, is attracted to you, and would be disappointed if the date went no where.  This would be the result if you did everything correctly up to this point.  The latter scenario is if you did not.  The key to differentiating between the two, and understanding her real desires, is being emotionally intelligent – more on this later.  Now the correct thing to do if she rejects your attempted make out, but you know she’s still attracted, is simply to take a step back, and move back into fun mode.  And then try again later.  Do not get exasperated, or even angry, as such negative emotions will only poison the mood.  Do not force your lips onto hers, she will most likely not appreciate this, and it can be considered assault.  A woman’s reasons for rejecting your initial advancement’s, despite being attracted to you can vary – she could be protecting her own sense of self worth by making you work for her, she might be making you work for it figuring that if she was considered too easy she’d be disrespected later, she may feel she’s not ready yet i.e. she doesn’t like you enough, or she may even be using the resulting sexual tension to heighten her own desire.  You can never really know what someone is thinking, however you can understand their emotions.  Most of seduction is simply reading the signs a woman gives you, and working with that.  And this leads us back to emotional intelligence.  The last link leads to the wikipedia definition, which I liked.  The key takeaway is how to recognize someone else’s emotions, i.e. how they are really feeling.  People can lie to others or themselves, however their emotions always reveal the truth.  A sufficient emotional IQ is a requirement for seduction, or any romantic relationship.  Individuals lacking in this will struggle, although it is something that can be built up with experience.  One of the best pickup artists I ever met had a mild version of Asperger’s syndrome.  However through lots of work and practice he taught himself to recognize other people’s emotions, and ended up even teaching people without Asperger’s how to improve their emotional intelligence.

I’ll use a personal example to help illustrate the statements above.  I remember a date I was on about 6 years ago in Long Beach with a girl named Cathy that I’d met at a singles event in Hollywood.  I was still a newbie in game at the time.  This was shortly after a tough breakup, where I’d been dumped by someone I had dated briefly, but had been really into.  I was on the rebound and feeling bold.  Anyways we’d been having fun, had a drink or two, and were walking down the street about an hour into the date.  I sat her down on a bench, and talked for about another 5 minutes, before sliding my arm around her, pausing for a second and smiling at her, and then going in for a kiss.  She rejected me, but what was interesting was the way that she did it.  She didn’t visibly shrink away, adjust her body language away from me, or give me a look that said I’d clearly overstepped my bounds.  Instead at the last moment she turned her head so I got her cheek instead of her lips, a hint of a smirk around her mouth.  I was smart enough to realize the intent in this action was more of a tease, where she reasserted control, than a real rejection signifying that she wasn’t interested.  I had to pick up on the subtle signs she was giving out.  And I was unaffected mentally by this rejection.  I leaned back with a smile and a raised eyebrow, and actually said – “oh really?…”  She just smiled back.  I changed the subject and went back into fun mode.  However ten minutes later I went back in for a make out, with the same result.  I ended up doing this three times ( a sign of my own inexperience and probably one or two times too many) before I finally got a clue and decided that she’d stop appreciating my boldness and start getting annoyed that I wasn’t taking the hint.  I stopped trying to make out, we got up from the bench, and we moved to a more crowded area.  More than an hour later we finished up the date and I walked her to her car.  I planned on giving her a hug, and then going for a kiss, as I figured it was the last chance.  However I was less confident of the outcome than before, given what had already happened.  We hugged, and then I slowly lowered my lips to hers.  She kissed me back.  More than that, she let loose all her pent up passion on me, practically jumping me, sticking her tongue down my throat, and biting down hard on my lip.  She gathered her self control again, smiled, and said “I’ll see you later” before getting in her car, leaving me dumbfounded about what had just happened.  Not surprisingly there was a second date, but thats a whole different story.

The next page discusses the correct mindset required to progress and achieve your dating and relationship goals.  Pickup artists refer to this as part of inner game, but it is more commonly called developing an abundance mentality.  It’s not a new concept, but I have yet to find a source that makes the same arguments that I do with regards to online dating.

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