Moving Forward – The Next Step

It has been something like 12 years since Neil Strauss first wrote The Game (It’s 2017 as I write this).  As I mentioned in the previous page in this period of time pickup artists have moved from an underground sub culture, into the mainstream, and then back again a bit into the shade, although I don’t think it’ll ever be completely underground again.  The rise of phone apps like Tinder, has replaced the need or desire for many guys to have to actually approach and talk to a girl.  However I believe that pickup, and the social, and yes – seduction skills, that can be learned by practicing it, are invaluable to any heterosexual man.  And this is regardless of whether he’s in a long term relationship with a girl he’s in love with, is a lonely single guy in his mid-twenties like I was; or he’s a shy, desperate virgin who’s never had any luck with the ladies.  The traditional way to get involved in the PUA community is to go online, to look for other PUA’s in your city or town.  This stuff is easier to do with a friend.  Just google “pickup artist” or “pua” and the name of your city.  You’ll find links to various message boards and lairs.  A lair is essentially an online group of PUA’s tied to a particular city.  A good lair will host meetings where they actually meet somewhere.  In my experience it’s kind of like a men’s support group.  My personal involvement in the community happened in 2010 when I’d moved to Montreal, single and knowing only two people who were in a relationship with each other.  Up until this point all I’d done was talk to girls on my own, and results were a mixed bag to say the least.  I simply typed into google “montreal lair”, and followed the relevant links from message boards that came up, until I was finally able to get a hold of someone.  That’s where it all began for me.  I believe it’s harder to get involved now, and go the route that I took, as I think there’s a smaller supply of eager, young guys interested in doing this stuff.  Again blame it on smart phone apps, and also the heaps of negative criticism against PUA’s, since awareness of pickup came into the public consciousness.  I believe this has served to discredit PUA’s in the eyes of many.  It’s notable that in the huge dating industry that grew alongside the rise of online dating, very few coaches for men will admit that they are teaching pickup.  Which they essentially are, since pickup is simply learning to become more attractive to women.  Becoming more attractive in my opinion is recognizing and ironing out negative qualities in oneself, both external (eg. poor grooming, out of shape), and internal (eg. negative beliefs about women, bad habits, fear of talking to women and being labelled creepy).  And developing positive qualities, such as being more fun, being emotionally open, and being a better listener.

As I mentioned earlier there is a whole industry of dating coaches out there, both for men and women.  If you wish to super charge your results it’s always better to find a mentor or a coach.  As with learning any skill, be it basketball, or attraction, a good coach can point out your flaws and help you improve.  The more personalized the coaching gets, the more beneficial it is to you.  For example an online dating coach can review your profile and pictures and help you improve it.  Some can even offer to review your messages and screen what you write before you hit send.  On the previous page I talked a lot about pickup, and PUA’s, with the view to countering criticisms about them.  However I did not go into any great detail about what to do, aside from a few hints here and there.  There’s a reason for this.  A lot of someone’s game or lack thereof, depends on them.  Your unique personality will influence the kinds of things you say or do, however you should keep in mind the personal boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed as discussed previously.  Also most people are somewhat oblivious to their own personal flaws or “sticking points”, that undermine their game.  I think this stuff is simply too complex and nuanced to really teach on a website.  The best way to get better at talking to girls, is to simply go out there and talk to them.  And then get feedback about it from a friend or a coach.  In reality you’ll be doing this stuff on your own for the most part, and you’ll have to learn to analyze what happened yourself.  The closest I came to telling you what to do was on the What to do on a first date page, and even that was pretty limited.  It’s easy for me to tell you to be fun, act in the moment, and kiss her at the right time.  It’s another thing to be able to just go out there and do it.  A great coach can help you learn this stuff.  I have both paid for, and been, a coach.  Aside from the usual pickup bootcamp stuff to help overcome approach anxiety with girls, I had one exceptional coach that noticed certain patterns in my conversations that were sabotaging me.  I was habitually talking over girls, interrupting them when they were trying to tell me something.  I was coming across as a jerk, and didn’t even realize it.  I thought about this and realized it was due to my own low self-esteem, where I felt the need to keep talking to impress them.  He taught me to be more self aware of what I was saying, and to listen when a girl was trying to express herself.  I remember results improving quite a bit just from that simple fix.

I expected the presence of dating coaches for men, but I was surprised by the prevalence of dating coaches for women.  In fact it might be an even bigger market.  The reason for this I believe, to quote one coach is “Men need more help. Women ask for more help”.  Interestingly while the focus of men’s coaching is around attraction and seduction, women’s coaching seems to focus on relationships – how to find the right guy, and keep him.  It’s my belief that the pickup and male dating coach community is providing a bigger and better supply of suitable men for relationships.  Without attraction or chemistry with a particular man, a woman is unlikely to want a romantic relationship with him.  While it’s true that men can desire to play the field, very few actually want to remain single forever.  It’s just about meeting the right person, at the right time in one’s life. And if a particular relationship doesn’t work out, just remember that there is an abundance of great people out there.  Although I’ve never coached women on relationships with men, I took the time to read and listen to a lot of the material available by coaches and I found myself agreeing with most of it.  It’s all self improvement, for both men and women.  It just depends on how open you are to change, and working to get it done.

Well we’ve come to the end of my little online dating/attraction booklet, thank you for reading along.  In my opinion the next page Coaching Links is the most important as it will give you access to dating coaches who can give you the personalized attention you need to improve your dating/pick up/relationship results.  It’s easy to write a webpage about creating a better online profile, it’s much harder to fix your underlying issues.

I’m also going to start keeping a blog page which will be updated on a regular basis.  The kind of stuff I want to update it with are your questions on game/dating and my subsequent answers, any of your personal anecdotes/stories/field reports and my feedback on it, or just any topics you want discussed.  And finally if you want to get at me with stuff to fuel my blog page, then get a hold of me at my contact me page.

Good luck in the future.

the online dating PUA

 

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