Online Dating – How It Really Works

couple kissing on date

A long time ago – before the advent of online dating, most of us were limited to meeting new people based upon opportunities presented within our own social circle.  It was a simpler, albeit more limited world.  As of  2017, there are 49 million people in America alone that have tried online dating.  And while usage is heavily skewed towards millennials, the data has shown an increase in popularity across increasing age groups that only slows down when it gets to senior citizens.  There is no denying that online dating, in all it’s different forms, has completely changed the landscape for how people flirt, connect, and eventually meet; for everything from a one night stand, to something that may result in a long term life partner.  There is both good and bad in this huge shift, as you will see in further reading.

This website is (mostly) written as an online dating guide for men from the perspective of a pickup artist.  I’ll go into more detail about pickup artists or PUA’s later, but for now try this basic definition: a PUA is just a guy who approaches and flirts with a girl(s) in a situation where they would otherwise have never met (a cold approach).  I have spent a great deal of time trying to meet and date women online, and in person (as a PUA).   The former approach was a constant source of frustration and angst, while doing the second, while also frustrating at times, and difficult – created a path for me to understand male-female dynamics when it comes to attraction, and thus self improvement when it came to success with women.  In fact everything I gained from pickup, led to vastly improved results when it came to online dating as well.

Before we go further here’s a little bit about my personal story, and my reasons for creating this site.

I first tried online dating almost ten years ago when I moved to a new town for my first post college job, where my social circle consisted of two male friends.  I remember many lonely evenings in front of my computer browsing pof and okCupid writing carefully thought out messages to girl after girl, and not getting any replies, or worse getting a profile view from the girl, and then no reply. That would hurt lol. I’m a 5ft 6 inch, indian guy and I was in about average shape.  I was too naive to realize how much looks counted in online dating, and was hurt by the rejections.  Fast forward to the present – the only thing that’s changed about me physically, is that I’m about ten pounds heavier.  However if I was to go on a first time online date now, I would actually be surprised if I didn’t end up having sex.  (Note: That’s not to say that’s all I look for when going on a date.  It just seemed to happen more often than not when things clicked with someone.)

What’s made the difference? My knowledge.  Somewhere along the way I became a pickup artist as well, and the principles of attraction that I ended up learning helped me a lot when it came to online dating. My main motivation in creating this page, is because I felt the many “how to” advice columns and guides out there didn’t acknowledge the reality of what online dating is like for the millions of poor schmucks that do it. There is no golden ticket that’ll get you your dream girl. The best way to get a woman who is a 9 or 10 looks wise via online dating, is to be a 9 or 10 yourself. In fact it’s the only way. (Besides being some kind of sugar daddy lol). That’s not to say you couldn’t hook up with someone significantly more physically attractive than you, just that online dating isn’t the venue for it. In fact online dating is not my favourite way to meet a woman. I prefer cold approach, or through my social circle, you don’t have to go through all that crap just to get someone to meet up for the first time. The advantage of online dating is when you actually do meet, she should already be attracted to you, and intrigued about how far this date will go.

This website consists of 16 or so articles, as displayed in the menu at the top of this page.  (If you’re on a mobile device you’ll probably have to scroll up and touch the Menu button next to the main title to display the full layout.)  The articles in the menu should nominally be read from left to right, top to bottom.  Or you can follow along here as I describe them.

Starting from the very next page I’m going to give you some background into what women find attractive in men, particularly in the online world.  After that we’ll focus on the most important part of your online profile – getting effective profile photos.  Following that will be writing your profile bio, both for non-swipe profiles, and for swipe based profiles (i.e. Tinder).  If you’re having trouble converting any online interest into actual dates, I wrote my how to write messages to get the date page for you.  To help with understanding text game rules, check out my okCupid sample conversation, and my Tinder sample conversation.  Both are from my own profiles.  And finally if you seem to end up on dates that go no where, I have a what to do on a first date page.

The links in the above paragraph can be considered a basic tutorial into online dating.  There’s nothing particularly unique about my advice on creating a better profile, but the messaging and first date pages do combine some standard pickup artist knowledge, with my own personal insight and experience.  If you follow my advice correctly, you should improve your online dating results.  That’s not to say that you will achieve your ideal love life just from reading a few pages on a website.  It’s not that simple.  Self-improvement is hard and can take time.  You have to get out there and make mistakes, and learn from them.  For those of you that are willing to put in the work, I created a coaching links page at the end of this site that I will be continuously adding to.  These will be professional dating coaches that are focused on helping you achieve the love life and related long term goals that you want.  Any coach that I put on there will have been personally reviewed by me.

You can do everything correctly, and still find online dating frustrating, or unsatisfying in terms of your end results.  The second half of this website following after my first date advice page, deals with what I’ve learned in overcoming this problem.  As you’ve probably guessed, this is linked with my becoming a PUA, and everything I’ve learned and experienced through that.  The concepts get more complex from here, and I recommend taking your time digesting each page.  It begins with the article on abundance mentality, which is quite simply the mindset required for success with women.  The further away you are from this, regardless of what your particular love life goals are, the more likely you will fail.  Read it, and then read it’s followup article, how to actually meet beautiful women.  This sets up what’s kind of become my central article – Criticisms of PUA’s.  It took me quite a while to write, as it’s rather long.  However if you’ve decided to really explore the possibilities beyond online dating, but you’ve only heard negative things about pickup artists, or you’re just too worried about looking creepy, then I suggest you read it.

Additionally in the post #MeToo era I decided it was time to start a discussion about consent from the male perspective.  I do this by focusing on an incident involving the comedian Aziz Ansari and a date that went very wrong.  Again a bit long, as I tried to cover all the relevant aspects, but I highly recommend it – Consent in the #MeToo era.  The followup to that is an article exploring male versus female desire, which itself borrows heavily from material referencing scientific research on that subject.

The last article is actually rather short, and sets you up for the options ahead, thus I called it moving forward.  At this point you will have a platform for understanding attraction between men and women, and can relate this back to incidents in your own life.  You will have the knowledge to take the steps necessary to see the changes you want in your dating life.  Finally my blog will have more recent articles answering your questions, and supporting the main articles found in the menu at the top of this page.

The next page – attraction online vs real life, is pretty fundamental so I recommend reading it before skipping around pages.  After attraction we’ll talk about building your online profile.

Keep Reading!

 – The Online Dating PUA

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