If you haven’t already done so, I recommend reading my messaging page to get a deeper understanding of the sample okCupid conversation below. It ends with an exchange of phone numbers. It led to me calling Vanessa and having about a 45 minute conversation, and agreeing on logistics to meet up. We had a 2 to 3 hour date before ending up at her place. For privacy I’ve blanked out phone numbers, user names and my name. Commentary follows after.
Notice my opener. I took the time to read her profile, and saw something in there that alluded to her having a knee injury, which I have firsthand experience with – so I jumped on that. Initially it looks like I’m breaking my own law of investment here, by writing more than her. But if you look at the time stamps, I’m consistently matching the timing of my replies to hers which are about a day apart. I’m writing more, i.e. investing, because I’m trying to ratchet up her interest, and get the chemistry brewing. Clearly it’s not yet time for escalation, but the fact that she’s including exclamation marks with every statement is positive. It indicates her interest is up, always a good thing. Her replies get longer and by the second day she writes more than me, and replies right away.
At this point I know I’ve got her on the edge, waiting for my reply, so I delay writing back for two days. This of course turns the screw and makes her even more invested. When I do reply I acknowledge that I made her wait for my reply and I apologize. But hey, I’ve got a busy life lol. Now she’s interested in me, and wants to know more about my life. It is finally time to break rapport (to use a PUA term) and escalate. That happens with my reply on Nov 23. I answer her question about living in Vegas, and then ask a question that’ll set me up for asking her on a date. I want to know if she can walk yet, which is a requirement for going on a date. She gives a lengthy reply. Then I go direct, and straight up ask her out. She’s receptive and already tries to work out logistics. Along with exchanging phone numbers, I also make sure to exchange first names for when I text her. I waited about 15 minutes from when she texted my phone to send a reply text. I had no intention of starting another long text thread, that would be pointless now. Our sample thread would have been something like this:
Her: Hi ___ it’s Vanessa
Me: Hey, hey, how are you?
Her: Oh, I’m great! U?
Me: just peachy =). Free for a call?
Her: Just at work right now, how about 8 this evening?
Me: sounds good .
And then at 8pm I would have called her. If she didn’t pick up, instead of leaving a voice mail, I would have sent a text:
Me: Hey, it’s ____. Just called
Sooner or later we would have finally had that phone conversation. If she’s unavailable when she said she would be, then just take a step back, and continue with the text game, although this time on your phone, instead of the dating app. You have to work with what she gives you. If she was straightforward and texted back that something came up and to try calling in an hour, then that’s all I would do. If, however she never got back to me that night, or ever, then clearly she had other things on her mind, potentially other guys. A very real possibility with online dating. Just move on to other people, do something else, and perhaps try again with her in a few days or a week. For all you swiping ninjas, the next page covers a sample tinder conversation with commentary. Otherwise skip to the next section on what to do on a first date.